Starting line-up

1 Rik Relph 2 Ren Resci 3 Richard Cowley

4 Matt Price 5 Sam Vail

6 Chris (Psyco) Edwards 7 Chris (The Glove) Milne 8 Stewart Faben

9 Graham (Capt) Beckford 10 Daray Horn 15 John Bateson

11 Matt Turner 12 Colin Weir 13 Rob Bevington 14 Roger McGachan

Manager: Chris Beddow and Jay Hall

Match report by Jay Halll

The Battle for Helms Deep
After hearing that an army of orcs was on the march the Renegades assembled at their very own impenetrable fortress. Rumours circulated that Newmarket were particularly small even for orcs and that even though they came from the kingdom of Godolphin they had no cavalry. However When they arrived they had 2 secret weapons…a cave troll and a tooth pick. Every army in the land wished for the cave troll and the tooth pick had a particular skill in that he was able to push backrowers 24 times his own size off of the pitch..uh em,

Newmarket failed to kick the ball 10 on the kick off, Gades scrum went well but we were soon in a bit of trouble Beaky duly cleared with JB Colin and Matt chasing.

We got a penalty soon after, and after some lovely ball thro the hands Colin scored left of the posts. 7-0
Matt T made a good clearance following the restart with good chasing by Pesci and we get another penalty, great kick from D, lineout and Beaky throws to Pesci straight back to Beaky to Fabio and a great run down the blind side and Fabio scores in the RH corner, D converts.14-0.

Restart not 10 again and some great work by our forwards, the Front row doing a great job of containing the cave troll and his mates and Fab and beaky getting us out of trouble when needed at the base of the scrum.

Pesci and glove being a thorn in the oppositions side and we nick a lineout.

Listen……There is a strange sound in the air, the wind holds its breath, the rage of the battle stills it self and the world of men falls silent ……" that's no orc horn"….

No its Priceless he's got the ball, he's got the ball…YES YES Matts got the ball.

There may come a day when men turn away to the call of the battle, but not this day.. There may come a time when mans courage deserts him when his misses tells him " No you are not playing rugby today" ..but not this day…NOT THIS DAY…

Some great work follows Pesci nicking balls Rick filling in @ scrum half @ the ruck, some Newmarket pressure then a great steal and run up the blind side from Fabio with Matt in support. Following a penalty Daray missed pass to Col pass to Bev 2nd phase Beaky to Glove with some work to do scores about an inch from Colins opener.21-0.

Fabio makes a great clearance into the opps half some great chasing from Roger, JB and Matt and Matt scores 28-0.

Pysco takes ball from restart again, good running from back row, Newmarket penalty but Gades pressure lineout, turnover, Daray clears and chases, gets the ball, passes to roger in support and Roger Scores 35-0.

Newmarket score with some good work through the hands 35-7

Half time. Nick on for Sam, Lloyd for JB, Brian for Paperboy, Bill Bob for Roger and Zig Zag for Pysco

In the second half Lloyd makes a good take from a high ball and brings Gades back @ Newmarket. Colin makes a great run and scores his 2nd, 42-7. Fabio kicks a penalty. 45 -7

Then the troll scores I don't think even the army of the dead could have brought him down. 45-14.

Daray makes another great clearance kick, great chasing and tackling from Bev more tackling from the back row and a good clearance from Billbob.

Then a big scrap.i think Jeff mercer started it..Followed by Rick C's outrages pass, which if Beaky had been awake and caught it, would have been the talk of the wagon..

More Newmarket pressure but some good work from the forwards and halfbacks The cave troll has a trundle and it takes our archers to bring him down. Another sprinting run from Lloyd at Fullback. The backrow, beaky and Brian doing some good stuff down the left. Carl has a disallowed try and unfortunately Nick has to come off with an injury. Newmarket score 45-21.

Some time about now Zig Zag made a run down the left. As the fast approaching No 11 fastly approached the Newmarket players cried "not the shrinking cap"

You would of expected that ZZ would have picked the little fella up, put him in his pocket and ran on to score, but not our Carl he had other ideas. Instead he used the tiny toothpick to remove a piece of pork debri from between his teeth, which had been there since the end of season Hog roast and had given him months of sleepless nights due to the presence of a minute smear of yellowish condiment. I must add that the landlady of the Jolly Millers would have wished that it had been stuck in Capt Beakys throat in the hope that he would of choked on it.

A bit scappy for a while but all the Gades getting involved, Pesci getting in their faces, great all round from Fabio, runs from Col, Billbob and Brian clearing us out of trouble and great tackles from Carl, Pysco and Glove.

From a newmarket penalty Lloyd makes a great catch and a fantastic run up ¾ of the pitch with the half backs and back row involved Bev Scores Yes..I love you Bev XXXX 52-21

Bev gets a buzz from his try and has found an extra yard of pace and a fist of his tour roomies aggression and puts a lot of pressure on newmaket.

Not sure what else happened next coz I lost interest but a great game to watch.

52 -21 Fantastic to watch and commentate to myself;

Try

Colin Weir 2
Stuart Faben 1
Chris Milne 1
Matt Turner 1
Roger McGachan 1
Rob Bevington 1

Penalty

Stuart Faben

Conversion

Stuart Faben 6
Daray Horn 1

Drop Goal

Nominations

Nominations for This weeks awards kindly sponsored by The Boatless Man, Stow-cum-Quy

So many runs from Fabio and kicked 6/6 conversions and a penalty.

Great kicking out of the hand from D got us out of the shit and in their faces several times.

The 2nd Row Samwise, Matt and Nick who's work often goes unnoticed especially by blind wingers with golden boots.

Obviously the front row i bet your sore this morning took on the cave troll and well… won. (only one against the head this time pesc.

All the wingers my brethren the hardest position on the picth.

JB and Lloyd fullback, fullpressure and no room for error well done

The back row nutters who run their nuts off every week.

Our Generals On and off the pitch Beaky and Flora where you go we will follow.

Our Staunch supporters Tomster, Will & Son, Jeff and Rolando who would have joined in but he forgot his blooming quiver.

Bob Coppin for his reassuring hand shake and one of his warm endearing smiles as I left the Waggon

And finally the two sexy beasts that are Colin and Bev wow what can I say

And the winners are:

The Boatless Man of the Match, Colin Weir

Award for outstanding contribution to the game, Fabio

The Merthyr Tidfil award for going into dark places and fighting cave dwellers, Rik Presidento

The Trevor Balliss Trophy for Ingenuity, Zig Zag

Doughnut, Mr Edwards